My absence became much longer than expected. What happened? Well, a little bit of life and a little bit of fear. I am happy to say that I completed multiple goals that I had set for 2010. In my absence from writing I started and finished massage school. I take my licensing exam next week to become a licensed massage therapist practicing in the state of Indiana. Hooray! I had set a goal for myself to figure out a way to make a living that fit with my personality and my desire to help people live a healthier and happier life. Mission accomplished. I also signed with a local talent agency and am now officially represented again as a model and actress.
How are your 2010 goals shaping up? There is still time to complete them!
Now we get to the part I dread discussing. It’s making me shake and quiver as I write it. Fear. Even talking about fear makes me fearful. I’ve been scared of writing. I’ll admit it. In writing this post I am completing another goal of mine for 2010, which involves tacking my fears. What is there to be scared of you say? Well, I’m going to list my fears for you so that you can see how silly they are when they are brought into the light. Hopefully, this will allow you to write down and look at some of your own fears and see them in a different light.
A few of my fears pertaining to writing (publicly):
I was afraid of…
… people reading what I wrote
… people not reading what I wrote
… people being offended by my writing
… people passing judgment against me because of my writing
All these fears really just boil down to me being critical of myself, insecure, and feeling a bit overwhelmed. I’ve had tons of ideas to write about, and even have a folder filled with topics, book reviews I’ve written, and personal life events described. At the end of the day I don’t post these, and have let my fears and blocks prevent me from accomplishing a deep soul desire goal to write and share my thoughts and passions with the world. I will not let 2010 pass by without achieving and reviving this goal I have to admit that these fears are very deep seated and I have been struggling with them for many, many years. Just to be 100% truthful in full disclosure it embarrasses me and pains me to post this blog and write this, however I will not let my fears get in the way, and I will allow those painful feelings to arise and sit with them. They will pass, and elation, a sense of accomplishment, and happiness at achieving a goal will follow. I am ready to break free from this self destructive and unproductive cycle!
Realization and lesson from this experience:
I have been the one caging my soul with my mind, and its time to drop the bars and let this bird fly free once again.
Soar my loves, let the wind of your soul carry you on. 🙂