I have wanted to write about being yourself and the importance of doing so, but the words just wouldn’t come out. Then I realized that I had already written about this topic in November of 2009, not that it is not important enough to repeat again, but not now. If you would like to read that post and more on this topic go to Fly Your Own Course: Having the courage to be yourself.
While my thoughts were musing and circling around about being myself I realized that there is one important element that it would be near impossible to truly be yourself without. That’s loving yourself. I’m not talking about arrogance or being cocky or even egotistical. Think more along the lines of believing in yourself, having self-confidence, and enjoying your own company. Often we look outside of ourselves for things that we should be looking inside of ourselves for. We tend to be mirrors for each other reflecting to one another what we project or projecting our own problems onto other people. Therefore we seek out people, or people come our way to teach us more about who we are and how we are behaving. Instead of looking for someone else to complete us we need to focus on completing ourselves. Life really isn’t a fairy tale where Prince Charming will come and rescue us and sweep us out of indentured servitude or awaken us from a deep slumber. We must do these things for ourselves and be our own best partner.
Give yourself the unconditional and perfect love you seek. If you can’t accept yourself with all your past mistakes, perceived flaws and imperfections then you’re probably going to look for someone else to validate you. Recently life has brought a few situations my way to help me heal some of my past scars even though at the time it felt as they were being ripped open and I was being torn to shreds. Out of necessity I try to look on the bright side of life because I’d be endlessly depressed and quite fatalistic if I didn’t.
I started looking into the situations that I was encountering with people and seeing how my behavior contributed to the end result and what I needed to learn from the experience. I try to live authentically and be the genuine me, but I realized that without loving and accepting yourself as you are there isn’t any room for the self to explore, try new things, learn, succeed or fail. I had forgotten to love and nurture myself and was resenting the people that I was giving my time to because they weren’t doing anything to help me nourish and replenish myself. I was mad at them because I felt like I was the only one doing all the effort and they were getting my time and energy in return. While this may seem completely obvious, I assure you that even though it seems like common sense I don’t believe it’s that common anymore.
Lesson 1 – You must take care of yourself and give your body, mind, and soul the nourishment and sustenance that it needs to thrive or at minimum survive.
“If you aren’t good at loving yourself, you will have a difficult time loving anyone, since you’ll resent the time and energy you give another person that you aren’t even giving to yourself.”
~ Barbara DeAngelis
So, loves, let us all remember to be our own best lovers and remind each other of the beauty that lies within each other and within ourselves.